"You are so Korean"

It's been a whirlwind of a weekend.  After a day-and-some of travel, we finally landed at Incheon International Airport on Thursday, October 7, at 6:10pm.  I was itching to get off the airplane- for the obvious reason of returning to my home country after 27 years, and then the more pressing reason- I had been privileged to sit next to the most ADD ansy-pants woman EVER.  Keith was even more ready as he discovered flying on an asian airline gives you even less leg room for your six foot-long legs.

Walking through the airport to find Tiana, the friend of my friend Veronica, I suddenly realized this could be more of a challenge for us than expected as we approached the mass of Koreans waiting with signs I can only imagine were people's names.  All in Korean.  After 10 minutes of walking around and walking up to strangers asking "are you Tiana?" and being met with blank stares, we found our sign and our Tiana.  She made us feel more than welcomed to her (and my) country, driving us to our hotel in Seoul, waiting for us to freshen up, then taking us on a night tour of the city.  At 11pm, the city is just waking up and it is pretty spectacular to see.  I thought New York City was huge, but Seoul dwarfs it and makes it seem like the suburbs.  Tiana brought is to one of the markets where the many street vendors were out to feed hungry people at the beginning of their night out.  We shared delicious barbecue chicken and Cass Korean beer.  Both hit the spot.  And soon after, our heads hit the pillows until almost noon the next day.

Friday, after checking out of our hotel, we took a cab to the Guest House attached to my orphanage.  Seoul has a completely different look during the day and I had a hard time recognizing it as the same city.  I'm sure my exhaustion and near-delirium didn't help me the night before, but it took the daylight for it to really hit me.  I'm in Korea!  I am in Korea.  And a short cab ride later, I was not only in Korea, but standing at the steps of the SWS Guest House and Baby's Reception Home.  My home for seven months.  The Korean Social Welfare Society has developed over the past 5 decades to this amazing government organization that provides unbelievable services to the elderly, impoverished, and mainly, to single mothers and orphans.  Walking into the building, you can tell the staff work hard for the mission they believe in and care about the work they are doing (Insert my shout out to Clinica doctors and staff, my comparison back home).  After checking into our small and comfortable room on the 5th floor of the building, Keith and I did a little self-tour of the building.  We found the babies on the 2nd and 3rd floors- I, being the shy one as always, walked immediately through the doorway to peek at the what I would say were 20+ babies.  This was the first (of many times) I felt overwhelmed with emotion.  But luckily, there was a staff member who helped the moment quickly pass by shutting the door in my face.

I met a couple in the hallway, Jon and Julie, and their newly adopted seven month old son Noah.  VERY newly adopted- and you could tell from the shell-shocked looks on their faces.  They had picked up Noah from his foster mom's 2 hours ago and had spent the last hour and a half trying to get Noah to stop crying.  As I watched him just stare at them, I got a little glimpse of what it must have been like for me when I first came to the U.S.  You go from seeing Koreans, hearing Korean, the smells of Korea, to white faces, the English language, and completely different smells instantly.  I will admit, in that moment, I got a pit in my stomach and didn't want them to take him back to wherever they were going.  I wished for him all the things I have missed- understanding my Korean heritage, knowing my Korean relatives, speaking my native language.  It was just for a moment though.

The rest of Friday, we walked around the neighborhood of the Guest House, and then hopped on the subway to the CoEx mall- the largest underground mall in Asia.  I think I am in my own little heaven here with the shopping.  There are stores filled top to bottom with just shoes.  Every kind of shoe you could ever think of and more- all in small Shannon sizes.  And there are endless stores with racks and racks of clothes.  It is a little disturbing to see the obsession with "western" here in Korea.  Tiana and Veronica both told us the cosmetic surgery industry is by far the largest- people getting bigger bridges on their noses, eyelid surgery, etc.  Almost every girl/woman I see is wearing at least 3 inch heels at all times (even hiking).  Walking through the mall, it was pretty apparent that the standard of beauty is heavily influenced by tall, blonde, and white characteristics.  This was my standard of beauty growing up, but I have come to a place where I love my asianness (I just made up that word), so it disappoints and discourages me a little to see everyone here trying to change to meet that "standard".

Saturday morning, Keith and I took a walk to the local E-mart to buy an adapter and grab some breakfast.  Another thing about Seoul- it's a city that stays awake all night...and then sleeps in until 10.  Who knew it could be literally impossible to find a coffee shop (or any shop) that is open at 8:30am.  We did find it though- a place called Paris Bakery- a little heaven where asians make french pastries that I can only imagine taste better than when the French themselves do it.  Bashisayo (means delicious in Korean)!  After our morning outing, we took the subway to the north part of Seoul to meet up with Tiana and a friend.  The subway system here is ingenious, easy to navigate, and CHEAP.  Less than $3 for both of us to go to the complete opposite side of the city.  The guest house is located in Gangnam-Gu which is more of a financial and banking district south of the Hahn River.  It is more of the Wall Street of Seoul.  We met Tiana on the north side of the River which she said is considered more old town Seoul, in an area called Gyeongbuk.  I saw my first Korean Palace, the Gyeongbuk Palace located right in the heart of the Gyeongbuk neighborhood.  We also discovered just how few people here speak English.  Tiana explained to us that although Korea is a booming country, the economy grew so quickly that many people still do not speak English here.  I think I expected to feel more uncomfortable with the language barrier, but overall it doesn't bother me much.  Everyone is so helpful, even despite the language barrier.

After seeing the palace, we met Tiana and her friend Mr. Yoo, along with his cousin, for lunch at a "famous" restaurant.  It is a traditional style restaurant with the low tables and floor cushions.  I knew for all these years, my cross-legged sitting would come in handy.  Now I realize it's part of being Korean.  Keith, on the other hand...:) Also, I have always prided myself on my ability to eat large amounts of food in one sitting, but these people are unbelievable.  The food just kept coming and everything, I mean everything, was absolutely delicious.  I've noticed a big difference in the type of full I feel here in comparison to back home.  Back home, when I'm full, I feel like I'm going to explode and need to go into a food coma.  Here, the food makes you feel full, but not gross full.  After a fantastic meal and even better company and conversation, Tiana and Mr. Yoo drove us up to a tea house at the top of a hillside that overlooks the city.  We enjoyed more good drinks and conversation before Mr. Yoo had to leave to catch a flight to Vietnam.  Tiana took us to another look out where you can see the entire city of seoul on all sides.  I tried to take pictures, but they don't do justice to what your eyes are seeing.  After resting at the look out for a bit, we took a walk through the town on the hillside, exploring the little shops and restaurants.  We talked about Korean life, politics, racial tensions.  And I was reminded that we are all the same no matter what side of the world we live on.

Sunday we took the subway to Suwon, where I was born.  Suwon is a suburb of Seoul- although, the city itself is also like a New York City.  The scenery changed as did the look of the people as we got further away from Seoul.  In Seoul, although there are Koreans, it has still been hard for me to see myself in many of the people.  But getting off the train in Suwon, it was the first thing I noticed- I look like these people!  It was the first thing Keith said to me too.  It's a pretty awesome feeling to look around and see yourself and feel like this is your heritage.  We spent the afternoon at a Korean Folk Village in Suwon, learning about the traditional way of life for most Koreans throughout history in farming and fishing villages.  I am so proud of my hard-working ancestors, their creativity and ingenuity, and the simple yet smart ways they lived.  After the folk village, we walked around Suwon for a couple hours, checking out the shops and walking the streets.  I found a street produce and fish market where people were getting their next day's food.  The streets were packed with people and we got a noticeable amount more of staring from everyone.  Like I mentioned before, it has been less uncomfortable than I imagined being an "outsider" and not knowing the language, but the day in Suwon was quite a bit more exhausting with the stares.  The people were a bit more hurried and rushed (Tiana told me Koreans do everything quickly and hurriedly...I am so Korean) and pushy than in Seoul, which surprised me.  But overall, it was a great day with yet another first for me, visiting my birth city.  I want to go back when we come back to Seoul and visit the hospital where I was born.

Yesterday (Monday, October 11), we met with my social worker, Miss Lee.  She is super sweet and kind.  She showed me my file and updated me on my birth family search.  Because my birth mom did not include her birth date in the file, it is much more difficult to do a search for her.  Miss Lee explained that she found a woman with the same name as my birth mom (Shin Soon Yi) in the same town my mother was living in at the time, but upon further investigation has learned that the woman was about ten years older than my mom according to the age she gave when I was born (45) and she has passed away.  Miss Lee mentioned she was going to contact her son and also the hospital my mom was in before giving birth.  I am trying not to get too excited because the amount of information is so limited, but I can't help but keep hoping someone in my family might be located.  She also let me flip through my file with all my medical records, the home study on my parents, and other papers.  When I first flipped to the back, there were still pictures of the first family I had been placed with (I was pulled out at the last minute).  SO weird!  I would have been the youngest of three kids with two older brothers.  They looked nice, but they weren't my family.  Then, I found a picture of me as a baby in the orphanage!  I don't have any pictures of myself before seven months, so I was pretty excited to see my first baby picture.  I was a CHUNKER.  Miss Lee let me keep it.

After the meeting was over, Miss Lee took us over to the Babies Reception Home to hold some of the babies.  It was probably the most surreal part of my trip so far, being in the nursery.  There are about 15 full time staff and then many many volunteers who take care of them.  Unlike when I was in the orphanage, most of the babies are put into foster homes to be cared for until they are adopted.  So the babies in the reception home are those that are waiting to be placed in foster care.  I may be a little biased, but asian babies are the cutest.  They were all very responsive and smiley which comforted me and they are all chunky monkeys too!  My favorite little boy, Shin Kon Yi, is six months old and one of the happiest babies there.  Keith held him for a while and he just smiled and smiled.  I hope he finds a family soon. (I was just a LITTLE tempted to take him)

After we held babies, we were finished packing to leave for Busan to stay with Veronica's mom.  I bent down to pick up a receipt on the floor and threw my neck out again from an injury a few months ago (Don't ask me how the heck I do these things).  Turns out, chiropractors don't exist in Korea because they are illegal.  So now, 24 hours, my first acupuncture and Puhang therapy, and a lot of sleep later, I am still in a lot of pain and trying to figure out the best way to get comfortable for our 3 hour trip down to Busan.  Throwing my neck out sucked, but seeing the way the staff downstairs, my social worker, Tiana, and my friend Veronica (who was up in the middle of the night back in Colorado) were all working so hard to figure out what to do for me makes me so grateful for these gracious people and so proud to be Korean.